So, I stepped on the scales this morning, once again, battling the entire week to not step on the scales. I just knew, KNEW after all the hard work I have put in that there was going to be another awesome loss. I am aware enough to know that a great weight loss the first week is not unusual and that the second week is more realistic. This knowledge did NOT in any way, shape or form prepare me for the reality of the scale. I mean, sure, I understand that most ‘normal’ people have a large weight loss the first week and then a smaller more realistic one the second week. However, I am not most ‘normal’ people and I worked really hard this week. So I wake up, do my morning business, and then step on the scale.
.8 pounds! WTF?! .8, really? REALLY? I mean, come on! I worked HARD this week! I can PEE .8 pounds. As a matter of fact, if I had NOT went to the bathroom before I weighed, I probably wouldn’t have lost ANY weight. All those hours at the gym and for what? .8 lbs? Really. So frustrated and angry, at myself, the world, God. Even asking god, “Really? I’ve been good this week! I’ve done every thing I can! Just .8 lbs? What have I done to deserve this?!” If all I’m going to get is .8 lbs then what’s the freakin’ point?! This is just BS! Part of me just wanted to say ‘screw it’ and wallow in ice cream and mac-n-cheese. But then I realized that is exactly what I would be doing…wallowing, and frankly I’m done with that.
So, I put the evil scales back under the desk where I drug them out, realizing they really aren’t ALL that evil. I finished getting ready for work and drove the 40 minute commute, the entire time, thinking about these .8 lbs. Thankfully, a little sanity started creeping in on the ride to work. At least it’s .8 lbs down and not up. My weight may not have changed, but that is NOT the only health indicator I have. My watch band is loose, the waist on some of my jeans isn’t cutting me in half, and frankly, I don’t wake up feeling miserable.
The point is, I hate to admit it, but I didn’t get here overnight, or even in a year. I have allowed my body to reach this point over an extended period of time and then allow myself to stay there. I have played victim to my size my entire life. And this whole gym thing, is not really even about the weight exactly. In a way it is, but that is only because the weight is a symptom of me just being in poor health. I want to be in good health and as a visible by product of that, the weight will go down.
But still….. .8 lbs? Really? (I’m gonna pout just a little longer)