Frustration and grrrrrr

I Posted the week #13 results and frankly I really just want to cry. I know I’ve never been through this experience before, I really don’t know the week by week expectations or even if there ARE any.  The trainer did say the the fat percentage is not dropping as quickly as it can but damn, I don’t know what else to do.  I feel like I am not doing enough, but I really don’t know what else I can do.  I feel that at this rate, I am never gonna make a real difference in my body and what I want it to be.  I am so frustrated and angry at myself.  Angry because I let myself get like this.  While I realize the weight is still going down (and I’m almost afraid of what next week will be), I still look in the mirror and just think, wow.  Then I wonder, is what I’m seeing real or just some screwed up version with my own twist to it?  Then I think, it seems like I am working so damn hard for so little results.  I look around and see these cute little petite girls in the cute little clothes and I want to have that.  I want to be able to go hiking and not hold everyone up because I can’t even come close to keeping up.  I want to go dancing and last more that one dance.  I want to stop shopping in the plus-sized section where all the arm-holes in the blouses are big enough to fit my head through.  What?  Does the fashion industry think all fat people are literally shaped like stars?

Perhaps it’s just the holidays that are stressing me out too.  Or Seasonal Affective Disorder, or whatever.  I just don’t know, maybe I just need a hug


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