Me……… and FOOD.

Yeahhhhhhhhhh, I love the stuff.
Big surprise, right?

I don’t really remember when it began to take such a high place in the hierarchy of my life.  I do remember being about 10-11 and eating so much pizza that I would go into the living room and do jumping jacks so I could go back and eat more feeling bloated.  I also remember getting chubby in fifth grade, which would be about the same time.  That is also the time that puberty hit.  I don’t remember ever having a ‘normal’ relationship with food.

Ironically, despite my size and love of food….I can’t cook it, not very well at all.  I’m originally from eastern Kentucky and, well, we’re not exactly world renown for our diverse and healthy palates.  Yes, I LOVE, heavy carbs.  Give me Mac-n-Cheese and a fork and I will literally eat until I am miserable.  Gravy and Biscuits, oh yeahhhhh.  Mashed potatoes, mmmmmm.  Heavily buttered dinner rolls, fried chicken, yes please.  And yeah, there is the occasional vegetable:  Green Beans, with a nice hunk of bacon, corn on the cob, slathered in butter.  Oh, and chicken n dumplins!

Now, there are two problems with me and this palate:  #1  Where is there anything healthy in there, because I sure did NOT see it.  #2  I can’t even cook THAT stuff!  I have always worked full-time since I was 15 years old, and when I was older, I worked even more hours.  Until about 1998, I worked in the fast food industry, so I just often ate at work.  After then I was a working, married mother of one going to school.  Not really much time for food prep in there.  So, we often picked up dinner somewhere.  I am also very bad for just eating one meal a day, hoarding up calories until close to the end of the day and then…it’s on.  I did learn to cook a few staples:  spaghetti with meat sauce, eggs, hot dogs, frozen dinners, etc.

Fast forward a few years and life changes, no longer married, shared custody, working 50 hours a week at a rather low income.  I’ve quit going to restaurants a few years ago due to the expense.  I do, perhaps every couple of months, go to McDonald’s after a particularly trying day and eat a couple of their dollar chicken sandwiches.  Even that is a gas-inducing, stomach cramping splurge though.

Thus, I had fallen into the habit of eating things like pizza rolls for lunch and box mac and cheese for dinner, or loaded baked potatoes.  Being very busy still makes food prep difficult.  Oh, and I love, Love, LOVE canned Coca Cola, especially in crushed ice.  The Coke, does NOT love my teeth though and despite the tanking economy, has continued to rise the price of their product.  Bye Coke!  (I do drink one every other Friday at card-night with my friends).

So, when I started this back in September, I spoke with T, the personal trainer, about food habits and he explained to me that it would be best to eat something several times a day instead of my Atilla the Hun attack at night.  So, I dropped the pizza rolls and etc and have been eating a turkey sandwich with 8 pringles low fat chips for breakfast, the same for lunch.  At dinner I was still making the mac and cheese.  It was about 650 calories (all carbs and fat), but it was easy to make, easy to count, tasty, and CHEAP.

So, yeah, I’ve pretty much been eating that for about three months now, give or take a few things on a few days.  I did wallow in the carbheaven of Thanksgiving too.  What’s happened is that I’ve gotten tired of turkey and sandwiches and macaroni and cheese, took three months, but I’ve gotten tired.

I’ve started experimenting with food and will be posting about them soon.  I’ve never been experimental with food, afraid that I wouldn’t like it, that I’d fail.  I really don’t know what has changed about my willingness in this area, but I’m grateful something has changed.

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I don’t even know what I don’t know

I know I’ve been totally slacking in actual blog entries.  Keeping up with my exercise logs and results have been sporadic at best.  Throughout the day I think of hundreds of pertinent things that would fit very well here, but for some reason, I just don’t make myself sit down and actually post them.  Why?  I have NO freakin’ clue.  Part of me thinks it’s because I suck at follow-through.  Another part thinks that maybe I’m just afraid of people reading it.  Then there’s this other part that thinks I just overthink every thing.

I’ve been on this particular leg of my journey for going on three months now.  It’s been really interesting.  Some days are so easy and some are just so hard.  I’ll be on the elliptical and all I can think is, “Man, I gotta do this shit for the rest of my life?”  I shared that thought with a friend on mine that runs marathons…for fun (see that just sounds insane to me).  She laughed and said, if it were an elliptical she would think that too.  She said she always runs outside and only inside on a treadmill if the weather is heavy snow or storming.  So I thought I’d switch my cardio up some and do 2/3 elliptical and 1/3 treadmill.  Treadmill kicked my ass.  I don’t understand how I can do pretty darn good on the elliptical and then have the treadmill kill me.

What has occurred to me the most is that I am completely ignorant of living healthfully.  I mean, completely.  I have no idea of what foods to eat and if so how to cook them.  I have no idea if the way my body is responding is normal or not.  I had NO IDEA as to how poorly I had treated myself physically.  I see these women working out and stuff and I am just wow, not even close.  I don’t know if someone of my size/shape is supposed to be doing the stuff I am doing, or if gasping for air after running 4 mph for 30 seconds on a treadmill is good or bad or what.

I really don’t even know what I don’t know.  I’ve tried to do some searches for people who have lost weight and maybe read some of their stories but mostly I get the diet websites and stuff.  Or those people who have lost like 10-15 pounds.  But, if I do reach my goal, I will have literally lost over half my body weight.  I always used to make light of things like my size.  What I understand now is how DELUSIONAL I was about it.  As I was telling a friend this past week, what I didn’t completely bury in fat, I buried in tent-like clothing.  I always complained about how finding pretty clothes was so hard at my size.  Yet, as I was cleaning out my closet two weeks ago, and the pile of clothes that was too big for me grew, as did the pile of clothes that was completely unflattering to me and never were flattering.

So many things I’m seeing and just never saw before…

Week # 10 Results (GAIN)

0.8 lbs gain

275 lbs

48.7 BMI

bringing total weight lost to 23.2 lbs

This sucks, but when I post my exercise log, it’s apparent how much I slacked this past week in the activity.  Plus, my eating was pretty bad some days too.  Well shoot, let’s be honest, I have NO idea how to eat healthfully…there’s only so many turkey sandwiches a gal can eat.  But that’s a subject for another blog.

Week # 7 Results

1 lb lost

282.2 lbs

50.0 BMI

48.6 fat percentage<—————WTF?!  Really?  I have muscles in places I’ve not seen muscles in years and only drop 1 percentage point, really?

OMG!  This is KILLING me.  I’ve been hovering around that damn 50 BMI forever!  Yes, I’m disappointed about the 1 lbs weight loss.  I haven’t posted my workouts this week but I’ve really pushed myself.  I haven’t measured my inches, but it is obvious that those are changing.