My Brain is Wrong

I know that I post a lot of ‘motivational’ things on my Facebook wall. I know that sometimes it can be a bit annoying. While it may seem that I am sometimes preachy or filled with rhetoric, I’ve come to realize that the only person I’m preaching to is myself. You see, my brain tells me things. My brain tells me that life is hard, that people are hard, that the world is hard. My brain assigns labels to things telling me this is good and that is bad. It assigns labels to people, pigeonholing them in convenient little boxes. My brain tells me that in the end we all die, so there is no point. My brain teaches me about fear–fear that looms like a wave, waiting for the right time to ebb into high-tide. My brain tells me that I came into this world alone, that I will leave it alone and that I will live it alone. My brain spews the lessons that it has learned in life, telling me that decisions were mistakes, that relationships were make-believe and that dreams are just imaginary forms of escape. My brain sits in the corner like the pious, judgmental church lady condemning everyone including herself, purse-lipped, wrinkled and filled with disdain.
But, my heart, well, yeah that’s a different story. You see, my heart, it never learned any of those lessons that my brain dwells on. My heart believes in fairy tales. It believes in laughing until you cry. It believes in love without condition or labels. It tells me that I can fly in ways my brain cannot see. It whispers quietly while the brain sleeps telling me that not only can I, but that I must love and allow myself to be loved. It tells me that dreams are a beautiful thing. My heart is a bare-footed little girl with crooked pigtails and scabby knees. Her gapped-tooth grin is almost as crooked as her pigtails and freckles dot her rosy cheeks. She jumps in mud-puddles and blows the little fairy-brooms from dandelions. She kisses kittens on the nose and chases lightening bugs in the twilight hours. She believes in first kisses and laughter. She believes in dreaming and of being dreamed. When a decision does not have the expected outcome, she kind of thinks, “Well, huh, that was cool.” She has faith in life, in people and in herself. She also thinks my brain is a big ol’ bully. So she sneaks around and posts motivational stuff, to remind my brain that it is wrong and maybe to remind a few other bully brains out there of the same.

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Gettin’ Bored…

already.  It’s been almost 4 weeks now, and I’m getting bored with the routine.  It has been approximately 30 minutes on the elliptical/cross trainer then weights, but the 30 minutes have started to feel like F…O…R…E…V…E…R, so I’ve split it up and am doing the first half before the weights/machines and the last half afterwards.  It has made it better.

I find it very ironic, that I’ve always been one to crave routine, but when I get it, I’m bored to tears by it.  I’m sure part of it has to do with appreciating the stability that routines provide, which I think directly conflicts with my complete lack of focus and attention.  😛

I have upgrade to an official (goodwill purchased) duffel bag that has the logo of a hospital I never worked at on it.  Although I did have one of my girls there, so maybe THAT counts.  Anyway, I did get tired of carrying around my clothes in the official luggage of rednecks everywhere, aka, a Walmart bag (collect the whole set!).  I do think my shoes have sprung a leak because when it’s really quiet, I can hear this ever-so-faint whistle coming from my feet when I walk, and I KNOW I’m not lighter than air…yet.

I do go to two different gyms (two locations of the same company), and I must say I do prefer the one I signed up at.  It is under construction and they keep moving the machines–there they go, messin’ with my routine–but they seem so much friendlier.  Plus, every time I go to the other one, I feel like I’m crashing someone’s family reunion.  Now, don’t get me wrong, they aren’t mean or anything, but they aren’t high-fivin’ me and yellin’ at me for not sitting correctly when working with weights.  Either way it goes, though, it’s really not their job to keep me interested is it?

So, I’m always on the lookout for new music, new ideas to keep me interested.  Winter is coming up quickly and frankly, I don’t want to let it set me back at all.