what did he DO to me?

Okay, so I had my first session with a trainer yesterday. It hurtsssssssss. Didn’t hurt yesterday at ALL. Left the gym feeling a little tired but otherwise feeling great. Was thinking to myself, psht…maybe this will be easier than I thought. I now hurt in places I frankly never knew were there. For instance, there are actually muscles on the top part of the back of my leg…wwwhhaaaattttt? It’s not unbearable, but noticeable. Ibuprofen is at the top of my gratitude list today. I was actually dreading going yesterday, not because of the activity but I knew they were going to try to sell me a training package and I was right about this. However, the more I thought about it, the more I decided that ya know, maybe I need it. I mean, really I’m not an activity guru at all unless making mac-n-cheese has made olympic level. I also thought, if I half-ass this thing, I’m going to get half-ass results. So, we started out with a once a month plan with a trainer. Then after I quit smoking (oh yeah, I smoke too…talk about a pillar of health here), bump it up to twice a month. I am limited by income, so there is that and beating myself up over that is pointless. We talked about diet, portion control (what’s that?). What IS that anyway? Portion control always meant for me, um how much is left?

We did do a basline body fat percentage. I’m not going to share the results just yet. It’s not that I’m ashamed of it or anything. It’s just that my next appointment is on Wednesday and they are actually going to measure my body…so I’m going to post all the numbers at the same time. I was kind of upset that they are waiting a week to do the body measurements as I am thinking….a whole week?!?!? I’m gonna lose several inches by then. And then my RATIONAL part of my mind goes…”bahahahahaha”! The only inches I’ll lose will be if I cut my hair. No gym today, but on schedule to go back tomorrow for straight cardio.

And so it begins….

I am fat. I am tired of being fat. I am tired of it interfering with the things I enjoy doing, like hiking, walking, playing with my kids, wearing cute clothes, dating….the list is endless. I never wanted to be fat. I was always taught that being overweight was a bad thing. I was put in a weight loss program when I was 11, weighing 136 lbs and 5’4″ tall. Which, by the way, I don’t think I ever was 5’4″ because now I’m only 5’3″, but I digress. I have been on many weight loss programs over the years, but never maintained them. Over the past few years, I have avoided mirrors. I have never been one to allow photos to be taken of me. However, in the past few years a growing sense of self has given me the freedom to no longer run from the camera. The result was a few stunning photographs that left me unable to avoid the truth. I am fat.

I wallowed in this knowledge for the last few months without actually doing much to remedy the situation. Tonight I took my first step and joined a gym. Tomorrow I will meet with a physical trainer (a ‘freebie’ for new membership). I am sure he will try to sell me the services but working within a limited budget I will have to pass. After that I am going to try to take some measurements and set some REALISTIC goals. It took me 38 years to get here, ain’t gonna change overnight. I understand, that for me, there are no quick-fixes for weight loss.

I want to run.